Death By Laughter and Condoms
by Inkblooded Witch
Summary: Amelia normally expects one of two things if someone calls her in the middle of the night: an emergency has taken place, or she's about to make one. The last thing she thought would happen would be that her brother-in-law would make her fall out of bed laughing.Mini one-shot. PruCan and USUK. Rated for suggestive themes.
**Saw 'lightsaber' condoms scrolling on Facebook. Died laughing and received a plot bunny all at once. :P It has recently come to my attention that the internet has corrupted me to a concerning degree, but in the same way my family enjoys our insanity, I'm having too much fun to care. *Laughs maniacally.*
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Amelia opened her eyes, groaning softly. Ugg, what was that? It wasn't her phone alarm. Or her clock alarm. And it was still dark outside. No, wait, that _was_ her phone. Her ringtone. Prying her head from her pillow, she fumbled on the nightstand, grabbing for it.

Squinting at the screen, she groaned, finally putting a name to the ringtone. She'd forgotten about giving Gilbert the 'All I Do Is Win' tone, courtesy of a lost bed. Beside her, Arthur stirred. "Who the hell is calling at this hour?" he asked groggily.

"Mr. Awesome," Amelia said wryly, propping herself up on one elbow to answer. Bringing the phone to her ear, she didn't bother with niceties. She rarely did anyway, but then she didn't like getting calls at half past midnight. "Either something happened to one of you, or something is about to."

Amelia was vaguely surprised to hear the distinct sound of her sister howling with laughter in the background, but didn't get the chance to ask before Gilbert demanded desperately, "Can someone actually die of laughter? Because I don't think she's getting much air and she won't stop."

"Wait, what?" asked Amelia. She worked as a nurse in the ER, so it did make sense Gilbert would call her, he certainly had before. Worse, this wasn't the weirdest case he'd asked her about. "I...I don't know. It might be possible, but usually you stop laughing if you pass out from oxygen deprivation. But I've never actually seen a case before. Why?"

Her twin sister, Madeline, was still cackling madly in the background. Amelia even heard a snort.

"Because she won't stop!"

"Well what's making her laugh?" Amelia demanded, running a hand back through her hair.

"I just wanted to try some new condoms," Gilbert protested. "But she started laughing as soon as I put it on. _Mein Got_ she just fell off the bed. Birdie, come on, knock it off already."

Amelia made a face. "Geez, Gilbert. If I talk about ya'lls sex life I'll get it from Maddie. And just what kind of condom did you try?"

"It was awesome!" the Prussian protested. "Totally, and she's not respecting the concept."

"Gilbert," said Amelia warningly.

"Glow in the dark. You know, so it looks like a lightsaber when you put it on? Totally awesome, am I right?"

It took Amelia a minute to process this. She was a Star Wars fan herself, so normally such things interested her. That said...lightsaber condoms? Oh gods she could see it now, Gilbert whipping around with pride to display his latest find...

"You...you...

Amelia couldn't finish. She was giggling too hard. Giggling soon turned to outright laughter. She rolled onto her back so she wouldn't fall off the bed herself, cackling and giggling madly.

Arthur sighed, plucking the phone from her fingers before she could drop it. "Would you kindly explain why you felt the need to call in the middle of the night and get my wife so worked up? She won't go back to sleep for ages after this, you know."

Even though she was still laughing too hard to speak, Amelia could see Arthur's expression as Gilbert repeated his explanation. She knew he'd reached the end of it when her husband griped, "Well of course she started laughing too you bloody idiot. They're sisters, twins. What did you expect?" There was a pause, then an angry, "Have you tried taking the damned thing off? Maybe it will be less funny if she's not looking right at it. What made you think it was a good idea in the first place?"

There was another pause, and Arthur hung up, a look annoyed disgust on his face.

"Bloody moron. How the hell do you find this so funny?"

It took several minutes for Amelia to settle down enough to actually get a few words out. "I-I could see it. L-L-Lightsaber penis." It was all she could get out before she descended back into giggles. "Ah, man, it totally kills the mood though."

Arthur crawled over, leaning across her to drop the phone back on her nightstand. As he returned to his side of the bed, a resigned look on his face. "It's going to be a long night isn't it."

"What makes you say that?" asked Amelia, the occasional giggle still escaping.

All she got out of her husband was a resigned sigh.

"Look at it this way, at least I never brought home lightsaber condoms." Then she thought about it for a minute. "I wonder if they make light saber dildo's, though. It might not be so easy to laugh at if it's not attached to anything."

Arthur groaned, scrubbing at his face tiredly. "Amelia, it's twelve forty."

"Hey, I didn't dis those handcuffs you came home with last month."

"That is not the same as a lightsaber dildo and you know it."

"Is too."

The Brit gave another, weary sigh. Yes, it was definitely going to be a long night. He was going to kill Gilbert the next time he saw him...

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